Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Venom Filled Alligators vs. The Jewel of DC
The Alligator DreamA couple of nights ago my mind roamed to another foreign realm of "LaLa Land." I started out in a room. It was a bedroom, maybe even mine. The beginning is actually a bit hazy at the moment for me to remember in full detail what I was doing. All I remember doing in the dream was putting some clothes aways in a closet.
Somehow an alligator appeared in my bedroom and it laid an egg in my closet. However, my dream did something weird where I ran out the house - well I climbed down a ladder first as if my bedroom were in an attic - to tell someone and ended up telling JB, a guy who in reality I met while fulfilling a journalism internship and managed to stay in contact with. In the dream I brought JB into my bedroom and re-enacted what took place, but during the whole dramatization of things, I noticed the egg was no longer in the closet but at the foot of my bed. I laid across my bed as if I were going to sleep. The egg then rolled off the bed and crashed to the floor... all the while JB was still there telling... or rather warning me about alligators.
I don't remember all that he said, but he did mention something about the alligators with black feet. I was told to stay away from them because they have venom in their bodies and they aren't affaid to use it. Then he said something about the alligators with white or clear feet, but I can't recall what he said. The dream did a strange flip flop of scenes, but one thing I remember is staring at this dangerous looking alligator with black feet. His eyes were cross and he crept up to me as if he was mentally calculating how he was going to devour me in one sweep. Strange thing was...I appeared to be scared, but deep down I wasn't.
I don't know how the dream ended. All I knows is, at some point or another another alligator appeared and I assumed that particular one was a female. It was strange, the two alligators staring at me and all I thought about was how to dodge the one with the black feet...the one I knew for sure with venom in his system. I was more so worried about the egg. Where had the egg gone to since it hit the floor?
Somehow I do think it's related what has been occurring with me and the job lately.
Daddy's PredictionsLast week, while in a slight intoxicated state of mind, my father made a statement to me that was a bit too eerie.
"One day soon, you are going to be the jewel of this city. "
Although I was a bit annoyed by his current state, when he said those words I felt a certain jolt to my heart. If I was absolutely sure, I could have sworn I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Why the sudden shock of his words? You see, being the dreamer that I am, part of me feels like I wanted to live not so much in the limelight of a scene, but just below the surface. I hate to bring up the whole Carrie Bradshaw -
a la Sex in the City - cliche' of things, but that's kind of the idea I had in mind for myself. I always pictured myself as being a creditable, well known writer in the city that is gradually (on the humble) pulled into the circle of "in the know." More so, I felt this chameleon spirit as well, where I am involved in other projects and not just known as a writer.
Since taking this job, I feel that it's slowly coming into place. In almost two months, I have met or ran into more people that I once knew or know by association from another person. Even in meeting people that I have been interviewing, I find that I'm creating a bond with them. What's scary for me is the fact that how some of this feels like a magnetic pull. Where the person is the magnet and when I'm in range I feel the current bringing me in.
Case in PointSometime ago, I joined an organization that is led by a prominent judge who sits with the DC Superior Court. As it appears, this lady is a friend of my mother's and her husband, who is now a minister of a local church, use to work with my mother in the school system. A few years ago, when I was an intern with a local newspaper, I did a story on the organization and was so fascinated by how they help young disadvantage females, I felt compelled to join. At the time I wanted to be a mentor with the program, but suddenly I felt the time wasn't right. I was going through my own struggles and I felt the need to pull myself together first before I become involved with any child's life who may have deeper issues than I did.
Ashamed to say, I isolated myself from the organization, ignoring every email, call and correspondence by mail addressed to me. My mother caught wind of it and tried to nudge me into putting myself into action with the group. She stressed the importance of keeping in contact with "the Judge" and how it was simply just wrong of me to ignore the calls. A couple of times I did go to a mentor meeting or a tea event here and there, but my lack of motivation kept me away most of the time. Part of me did feel ashamed and worried about what the Judge would say to me once she did see me. However, the times she saw me, she didn't have any words of judgment or other comments that may suggest disappointment. She always welcomed me with open arms.
Then, out of the blue on last Sunday evening, I received a personal phone call from the Judge that caught me off guard. She was alerting me to a membership meeting that would be taking place the next day. Though she wasn't harsh in her tone or with her words, she was actually pleading her case for me to come to the meeting. She kept stressing to me that she wanted me there. It was as if I had no choice but to confirm my presence for the meeting. It's as if no matter how hard I try to avoid or stray away, some things just have a strange cosmic magnetic pull in my life.
Monday was chock full of meet and greets for me. I spent the morning in the office and by noon I was off to the District building to meet with city council members individually (there are eight plus an At-large member) or their staff as an introduction to who I am and tell them about the magazine. Then I had another meeting to attend with a DC government agency about a few strategic and concept designs they want the firm to produce for them. By the day's end I was whipped and contemplated on even attending the meeting with the Judge. It was hot outside, I was sticky, when I wasn't getting around by cab I was on foot in heels and I was out of steam. Nevertheless I stayed close in the area where I was to meet the Judge and had a light dinner at a restaurant inside Union Station.
By the time I made it to the meeting and it was underway, I suddenly felt the same enthusiastic spirit I felt when I first did the story on the organization five or six years ago. There is a difference this time around. Although I'm still interested in mentoring to one of the girls involved in the organization, once a dialogue opened I realized that for the time being I will use my journalism skills to help in another area of the organization. This is where I feel most comfortable and don't have to worry or feel pressure too much to make sure I'm straight with my life, before taking someone under my wing.
"You're a FAKE!?!?!?!?!"One of my biggest fears with this job and making connections with others is loosing myself to the "Washington glamour" of it all and becoming something that I am not. That fear hit me after meeting May face to face a couple of weeks ago. May is the person handling the advertising side of the publication. Though I view her as a cool person to know, part of me is still leary about how she presence herself. Maybe it's me and I'm reading too much into her persona, but after seeing her in action and seeing how she can literally get what she wants for little or nothing I have to wonder how real is she. Maybe it's because I only know the tip of of the advertising business and not the full scope. Afterall, you do have to be a people person, but at the same time can you maintain your "realness' in this business and not always look or call on so and so for a hook up?
I guess part of me saw myself in something I didn't want to be when I met May. I actually felt myself throwing up fake smiles and exchanging fake laughter with her about a matter that really wasn't even entertaining. However, I think I did that more for her sake so she wouldn't feel some sort of embarrassment from her own comments.
That's it!?Maybe the dream with the alligators was just a warning for me to watch out for those filled with their own venom. Maybe the whole thing about me staring down the creatures was a way of letting me know it's up to me which way I choose...to be bitten and turned into one of them or to stand my ground. As for the egg... I have no clue what that could have meant, only to say that since the egg came from the alligator...it's pretty much their "world" and with me kicking it off my bed was a way of me rejecting it. Who knows...I'm still pretty rusty when it comes to interpreting my own dreams.
Posted by KomplexPhemale ::
11:50 PM ::
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