Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Introspective Thinking
Today was one of my many Aquarius mood days. Not that I was negatively moody, but I just felt the need to take the quiet road and just listen and observe the world. Actually today was the first time in a while that my health really didn't bother me. My stomach felt fine and I was able to scarf down a banana once I got to work. A few seconds later I became thirsty and was seriously craving the Dragonfruit flavor of Vitamin Water.
I decided to take a walk to the 7 Eleven that is a couple of blocks over. During the walk, I didn't think about nothing in particular. I briefly thought about a 15 year old that was in the news this morning. He had gone missing over the weekend and was found dead yesterday. He turned out to be one of my mother's ex-students. In the midst of such a thought, I thought about how beautiful of an early fall morning it was. The sun was out and there was this breeze that felt good on my skin. I thought about what I had to get done for the day and didn't stress, because I had a feeling that my day was going to be pretty easy. All I had to do was look over a few articles, edit and do some writing.
Before I knew it, I was walking into the 7 Eleven and immediately noticed a group of police officers gathered in a corner. By their banter and laughter you could tell they weren't up to any "official police business." It was just a morning with the boys. I was a bit pissed that the store was out of the Dragfruit, I settled with the Grape flavor. I just wanted something to hydrate me and keep my stomach calm at the same time. As I made my exit I could feel the eyes of the police officers on my back, they had stopped talking for those few seconds and as soon as I was outside I heard them resume their morning conversation. What was that about? I will never know.
Around the corner I noticed a guy that was just in the 7 Eleven a few minutes before I was. There was nothing special about him. He seemed to be a painter with his white paint stained overalls and white shirt. He looked to be somewhere in his 40's. He was a beautiful dark chocolate complexion, but his teeth were kind of messed up as they were crooked and yellow. In a way he looked goofy, especially with the bifocals. Before I could easily dismiss him he said something that simply made my day.
"You have a good look about you. You are attractive. I'm sure whatever man you are with right now, he is lucky." Okay, I know that men are going to men no matter how goofy, good-looking, their social background or whatever. Men are going to flirt and say things like that. A statement or line such as the one above could be just as empty as a person with no soul. So why did that man's compliment make me smile? Because, sometimes we need to hear it. Sometimes it's easy to forget that you are beautiful in someone's eye, especially if you have been feeling really crappy lately.
However, the strange thing is, as much as his compliment made me smile it made me sad. I thought how it's funny that it's always the complete strangers (especially the crazy looking ones) that give me compliments like that. What I really find funny is the ending -
"Your man is lucky." The last time I heard that I was "dating" Hazel and I knew deep down he didn't know how "lucky" he was. Yet I smiled and pretended he did, because of all the sweet "nothings" he said that I wanted to hear. A statement like that really makes me think do the men in my life really and truly know how lucky they are to have me in their life, especially if I am serious about them? Not saying that I am "The Shit" or "I AM THE BE ALL AND END ALL," but when I'm into someone I give myself unconditionally to the point where others in my life may feel that I am neglecting them.
Anyone reading this might easily say "that's just tough tiddies for the guy. If he can't "see" you than it's his loss." I would totally agree with that, but it's just frustrating when you look up one day and realize you've been giving your all to the wrong person. As liberating as the realization maybe, there will still be a part of you that can't help but to feel hoodwinked.
Question is, who bamboozled you? You or him?
Posted by KomplexPhemale ::
9:23 PM ::
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