Sunday, August 06, 2006
360 of Seeking Freedom....
It's amazing. A year ago this month I was doing a count down of how many days I left in the Federal government. I called it my emancipation day. I was going to be free from the bitterness and anguish I had felt over the last few years at that place. However, I was sad about the extended family I was leaving behind. In my bittersweet departure, I didn't know what laid ahead for me and I was scared to death. The start of the fall season was a harse reality for me. My money ran low to the point where I was seeing red in my account for 30 days straight. I began to feel doubt about my decision to resign without another job confirmed. It wasn't long before I jumped into a safety net of some sort where I took on temp jobs. Then at the brink of spring my future started to look up as I was offered and I accepted my current job.
Yet, even now as I stand here at the anniversary of my emancipation from the government, I'm seeking another one. It's not that I'm ungrateful and don't see the blessing in what took place through the past year. It's just that I feel burdened by this hovering cloud. It goes back to my feelings about this job and how I compare it to a shoe. I like the style with the heel and all, but the fit is a bit too tight.
This past Thursday, after our little meeting with the officials at a local radio station, May and I decided to go out to eat. She did most of the talking during dinner and I tried to act as if I were interested, but to be honest, I really wasn't . No, I wasn't still mad at her from her raving on about the cover of the latest issue of the magazine and her crybaby attitude over ad space for her ad. I just wasn't interested in what she had to say. Needless to say, I did begin to feel a bit sick during dinner too. Maybe it was just the whole scenery, me at Zola's with May and room full of folks talking about nothing. It was the worse feeling in the world for me...literally.
I still don't know how things are between Mr. Yellow and myself. Earlier in a week there was obvious tensioon between us and he felt compelled to email me and call me out on my sarcastic approach to him. I did respond, in a longer email, calling him out on a few things as well. In the end we both agreed to try to work on our communication a bit more. Yet, I still feel kind of uneasy being there.
As I said in the beginning when I first started to work with Mr. Yellow, I knew his company was not a place for me to drop anchor. It was a place that would serve as a stepping stone for me. What I didn't expect was for me to feel so down about the whole thing within six months. What I would like to do is find something a bit better with a better salary, with benefits that I can afford and still work as a freelance editor/writer for the the business magazine.
We'll see. We'll see.....
Posted by KomplexPhemale ::
11:14 PM ::
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