Sunday, September 10, 2006
Euphoria Equals Exhaustion
In the past three weeks I have found myself caught up in a whirlwind of events, all of which I have reached some kind of euphoric state.
The last time that I wrote an entry about work, I never did mention anything about my interview with the former Mrs. BET. Needless to say I was mezmorized as I was strolling with her and my mother (yes I took my mother along for the ride) on her Middleburg, VA estate. Everything was so breathtaking and the enviroment was so sirene. I loved talking with her. For one she caught me by surprise as I did not expect her to be as animated and as comfortable as she was, especially during the photoshoot.
Somehow I was able to knock myself back into reality after the interview and photo session was over. I had to high tail it back to DC to prepare for the networking event given by the magazine. The event went well as it was the premire for future events to come. I did find myself very tired as I didn't make it back home until 10 o' clock that evening. The following week seemed to have rolled by quickly at work, but I realized I was feeling a bit empty inside. I couldn't figure out what it was. What was even more disturbing, that weekend I was anticipating my family reunion. It did take place and I was happy to see my tribe, of whom I haven't seen in years. However, on the eve of the reunion I had a very restless night that resulted from a combination of an upset stomach and a dream I had.
In my dream, I ran into a cousin of mine from my father's side of the family. She was telling me she had moved to Montgomery County, MD and all I could worry about was the house she left behind in DC. In reality, she does live in DC by RFK stadium and I know how much the house means to her since it belonged to her father. Her father gave her the house and she did some improvements and it's very comfy. In the dream my cousin assured me that she didn't sell the house, but she was looking for a renter. It was then that I begin to bargain with her about how much I could afford to pay her for rent. We settle on a price of $750 and I move in. The disturbing part comes in when I realized that I spent all my money in paying her for rent that I didn't have anything left to buy furniture. I started freaking out. I don't remember how the dream ended. The last thing I remember about the dream, was me in the living room with green carpet (in reality the carpet is brown) and the house is empty. I was crying in the living room and I did notice there was some kind of shadow casted on the wall.. as if it were from the light outside.
I've been struggling to find the exact meaning of the dream, only to say that it could have something to do with my job and how empty I feel about it now. I didn't realize how empty I felt about it until this past week. For one, Mr. Yellow made me attend this benefit luncheon at the the Omni Shoreham Hotel this past Wednesday. I didn't complain about it, because I looked at it as a "fieldtrip" outside of work. I have also realized I don't like being couped up in the office all day long for five days a week. The YMCA holds the luncheon every year and it is to honor distisguishing women who have made some kind of community difference. These were some heavy hitting ladies. One of the honorees was a well know local jounalist who is now running her own non-profit documentary production company, Ms. RP. In listening to her talk during her presentation, I began to feel this unexplainable feeling. I felt filled and it was then I understand why I needed to be there. It was to meet her.
Suddenly, all of my motivation and my zest that I had towards making a documentary resurfaced. It's not just any documentaray, but it's on a topic that I have come to place near my heart and pray that I can handle and accomplish - Black women and our mental health. After the luncheon I was able to steal away a couple of moments of Ms. RP's. I briefly told her what I was trying to do, but I felt like I was all over the place as far as organizing things and drafting this proposal. She looked at me with a smile and said,
"You sound like me when I first started doing this. I was all over the place too. It's going to take some time, but you have to be patient with it."She offered her help and gave me her card. She told me to call her so we can discuss the matter further. I plan to take her up on that. How soon? I'm praying very soon. I left the luncheon feeling filled, humble in a way and hopfully that I could possible press on with my goals as far as the documentary is concerned.
Within that same day, I recieved a call from a guy that Mr. Yellow knows. He asked me if I would be willing to serve as a reporter for the next two days at the Congressional Black Causcus Annual Legislative Conference. Of course I didn't turn the opportunity down, but I was not expecting to be as invovled as I was. I was one of those busy bee media folks with that big ass press badge walking about the convention center. For two days I worked the conference from 8 am to nearly 7 pm. I wrote stories for the in house conference daily publication, "The ALC Daily." My first story turned out to be a "front pager." I mananged to work out five stories with four of them being published.
Again, it was another euphoric experience being in the midst of top notch Black proessionals - the congressmen and women, some of my former co-workers in the federal government and even running into two close buddies of mine that are in the media business as well. This was my first time attending the conference outside of being invited to the after parties. The only downer was me being invited to the Barak Obama Black and White party and I had to turn it down because I had to finish up two stories to be printed for the next day. I can't explain the feeling I received from working that conference. As much as I hated getting up at the crack of dawn to be at the convention on time and almost rushing as I fought morning traffic, I looked forward to the day(s).
Now that it's all said and done, I'm now left feeling half full. I'm still reeling from my experiences with such influential people, but as I look ahead and see that I have to return to the office tomorrow, my stomach feels a little sour. Every now and then I go back to my dream and compare it to how I was first told that I had the job by Mr. Yellow. In the beginning I did bargain with him a little over pay. He budged a little, but not much. Me freaking out in my dream is more so of me freaking out now, because I'm caught up in trying to figure out is this something I should stick with for a little while longer or seek and exit now. My stomach stays in knots most of the time and I'm finding that I'm completely tired by the end of the day all of the time... but from what?????
I'm just praying that this week ends like all the rest of them have thus far. Quick! Yet I fear that Mr. Yellow will find some way to make it a stressful one.
Posted by KomplexPhemale ::
10:01 PM ::
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