Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Pink
It's strange. JM had been on my mind off and on for the past three weeks. I hadn't spoken to her since just before Easter. I had been making mental notes to make it a point to call her. I finally did this past Saturday. However, I couldn't get through. She didn't pick up her cell nor her house phone. Today, while at work, I dropped her a couple of lines in an email. Suddenly, I found myself wanting to rush to her as I read her response.
Since around the time of Easter, JM had been dealing with a situation concerning the raid and sudden failing health of her 5 year old niece. As JM explained to me, on Easter her niece had been complaining that she wasn't feeling well. JM's sister in-law took her daughter to the emergency room and after having several test conducted, it was confirmed that the little girl had fluid around her brain. The fluid was drained and she was kept for a few days for observations. Then, she went into a seizure. After that episode the doctors observed some more and noticed how she was "emotional and fidgety." Rather than to have her go through another seizure, she was given some medication to help sedate her. Unfortunately, she slipped into a coma and never came out. She was pronounced dead on May 2nd.
Since the time of death, JM and her family have been trying to cope with the situation. I can only imagine how JM feels. Though JM isn't a mother, her nieces are her world. They are her heart. Loosing any of them is like loosing a child of her own. Though I have never met any of JM's relatives, somehow I feel part of the family as has openly shared family details about their get togethers, family trips and so forth.
Today was no exception as she shared with me details of her niece's funeral that took place last Friday in New York. The detail that she went into as she talked about everything pink and the grand ambiance that went into this homegoing celebration was riveting. I found myself at my desk shedding tears as I read each line about how her niece was dressed in a pink dress wearing her trademark hairstyle; two pigtails. Alongside her casket was her favorite toy stuffed doll, Dora the Explorer. JM's younger sister sang "Behold the Lamb." Another relative performed a litergual dance from an Alvin Hailey piece. Pink flowers and ribbons adorned the place. As expected folks were crying, but JM's mom managed to hold it together as she delivered a message about the power of love. The family also used a couple of stretch SUVs, I guess as opposed to the traditional stretch limo family cars. JM said the hardest part was at the end. The family seemed to have lingered near the gravesite in the rain as if they didn't want to leave the little girl behind.
By the time they made it to an aunt's house in Long Island, the grief seemed to give away and was perhaps pushed just below the surface. The family laughed and joke amongst themselves as if they are there for another reason. I'm sure it was very healthy for all of them as the grieving and healing process will be for a while. Even JM mentioned how it will take her a while to finally heal. Everything was too sudden for her.
JM's ending to her note talked about the color pink. She admits that now the color has a whole new meaning for her, even as she associates it with other little girls. As I spoke with JM, I tried to offer words of encouragement, but I was utterly left speechless. The loss of any life, especially when it's sudden, is very hard to comprehend. Yet, when you are speaking about children, it's very difficult. You know that there is a reason behind, but you don't know what that is and may never know. All you know is, you feel hurt and angry for that child because in a way they were robbed at a chance at full blown life.
A few weeks ago I finally had a chance to see the movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." I remember a scene with one of the girls and her newfound friend, who happened to be a 12 year old suffering from leukemia, were talking. In the scene, they talked about death. The 12 year old wasn't scared of death. What she as more afraid of were the things she was going to miss out on in life. Granted a 5 year old may not comprehend death in the same terms as a 12 year old, yet I can't stop wondering...if JM's niece was told that she was only going to be on this earth for a couple more weeks, what would she say? What do 5 year olds fear?
Sometimes when I watch my cousin Andre, I get a chill a down my spine, especially when he was a baby and growing into the toddler stage. I swear he communicates with God or my great grandmother, who has been dead now for over 10 years. I use to watch him look up at the sky and he would start singing. Then he would smile and but out in laughter as if him and God share a private joke. Sometimes he still does that. Now that he is almost 7, sometimes the things he says amazes me. Like, during the time with my aunt's boyfriend (now fiance') "borrowed" her car. He would look at my aunt and go,
"Mommy, it's okay. God will deal with Jeff. He'll bring it back."Children have this amazing spirit that I can't even explain. I have always believed that. Even the ones you think are misfits have a wonderful and positive energy about them. However, what's unfortunate about a situation like that is no one has reinforced that positive energy within them.
As for JM, I told her that I would be sure to say a special prayer for her and her family. Sometimes, that's all you can do when it's out of your hands.
May God Bless JM's niece. A new angel in heaven.
Posted by KomplexPhemale ::
11:49 PM ::
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